beer night at AA.

i am writting outside right now, in my patio. its pretty peaceful outside, IN THE SHADE, in laredo. my dog is over there chewing on something, aaand my cat is over there doing something. i have a clothes line with all white clothes on it. for seconds at a time, i think i'm in some southern cotton field in the 18th century with a laptop computer. i like what the feeling of being outside gives you, because most of the time it's any feeling you like. if you close your eyes outside, the different sounds, familiar and unfamiliar can make you feel like you're somewhere totally different. inside, in that constantly flowing a/c, the silence in between cycles, monotone televisions and cell phones, and droopy faint voices of family members, its just a drag to listen to and not listen to that every second of the day. i couldn't imagine a person who could do that.

its days like this that i assess the days until summer is over and i really won't have the time to do this anymore. i hhhhaaaatteee school and almost everything in it. its just all the stuff you're forced to deal with there. people you dislike, authority you dislike, those fluorescent lights. school use to be a pretty cool place, like in elementary school. where you studied one thing each day(recess every day), until friday, the test, and then you play the rest of the day. high school is all about stress man. stress stress stress, and they justify it by saying that's what the rest of your life is going to be from college 'til death. nooo way. if doing that is going do what they say, i'd just rather not. but i know it would be rewarding to earn that diploma, and gain the rest of life's possible fruits, but i guess i'm just not into that taste.

this summer has been a really shitty one by far. i think the ratio of good things to bad things would be 1:35. i guess i'm so angsty to leave this place because i have a lot of bad memories, bad relationships, and nothing to accomplish here. i don't know what i'm going to do, but i know i won't do it here. i don't even want to do anything in texas. i want to see things, people, and places. all of it, everywhere. i just want to go to different places until i find something i want to accomplish, and when i do, i'll just go somewhere else and start again at something. but this is all i know, and that's the future. i shouldn't try to crystal ball it. laydazz.